Monday, June 22, 2009

Lesson 1a: Marry a Guy with Sisters or Who is an Orphan

If you are lucky enough to meet a guy who has sisters, his mom is already trained in the special needs of young women. She knows how to deal with the hormones, and willingly takes her daughter-in-law's stand on those issues relating to family and home. When she invites you to her home for dinner, she may actually ask you what you want to eat, not just focus on sonny boy's favorite foods. After all, she is not in a contest for her son's attention. She already knows if she plays it right, her daughter-in-law will be like a daughter to her. You see, it's not rocket science. It goes back to caveman days. Men hunt and women gather and nurture. So why doesn't the woman with only sons ever get that? Instead, she's on the hunt, to get that other woman out of her life. What's the sense of that? Over the years, her daughter-in-law figures out how to avoid being around her as much as she can. The visits are shorter and focus on how both women can avoid each other. The poor husband/son is right in the middle. Not a pretty site!

However, if you marry the orphan, you can really avoid all of that. The orphaned guy, particularly if he has recently lost his parents, is grateful to be enveloped in family love. He's the guy who is happy to do what he can for his new family. In time, your parents love him more than they love you...or so you think. He can do no wrong, and you can do no right. BUT...there is no fighting over where to go over the holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day...the worst holidays to duke it out.

So do your research, and assess the family relationships, before you choose your life partner.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Lesson 1: Never Marry a Guy Unless He is An Orphan…

or has sisters! I can picture your heads moving up and down in agreement on this one unless you are a lady who only has sons. While I have occasionally, and I do mean occasionally, found this NOT to be true, it is a rare instance indeed.

Look at it this way, as a Mom to only sons, you are the QUEEN! Your sons revere you. You are their source for all things female. And then one day… Oooppsss… your young sweet devoted son sees a lovely young damsel in distress and feels the need to save the princess. The damsel quickly moves up to QUEEN status, and you become plain “OLD” Cinderella. Your son starts to get surly and moody and your wish isn’t exactly his command anymore. The more he gets involved with his young thang, the more jealous you get. Yes…those are strong words, but JEALOUSY is what it all boils down to. As the relationship continues, IF Mom allows it, it only get worse.

Fast forward to engagements and marriage. The Cinderella Mom is now the saboteur. The lovely damsel cannot do anything right, although she tries just about anything to get her mother-in-law to acknowledge and approve of her. The sad fact is that she could stand on her head and spit dollar bills, and her new mother-in-law would not be impressed. She will demand your presence at all holiday meals, no matter that you have a family too. She will demand his presence at the drop of a hat, particularly if Dad isn’t around since she is absolutely unable to do anything by herself…yeah..right!

My advice to the young women facing this dilemma: Run before you marry him. It will NEVER change. It will always be a tug of war between Mom and you. Is that what you want the rest of your life?

Coming Up: Why you should marry a guy who is an orphan or who has sisters

Prologue

I was one of those children who loved to watch people. My mother and grandmother would drag me from place to place during my childhood, and I complacently (although they would have disagreed) accepted the swirling movement from store to store to restaurant to country club and back again. The worst part of the experience was having to go, because there was no one to leave me with. The best part was getting to watch all the people and how they interacted in each new environment.

Little did I know back then that each one of these experiences would create the rules and guidelines for my own view of life. Thirty-two years ago, I met my darling husband, and together we completed our family with our two daughters, now 24 and 28.

Laughter has always been a core characteristic of our family, and my children have been after me for years to publish all my musings so that others could benefit from the lessons I have learned and have shared with my family.

So this blog will be my gift to them with great love and pride. I hope you join me for the ride as I dig back through the past and share my musings with you. If you find yourself shaking your head while reading, please share your own stories. It’s been my experience that each of my little pearls of wisdom has been a great source for spirited discussions!

Enjoy!

Jo Ann