Lesson 11: Reduce the Meat in the Sandwich

You might think I'm talking about dieting, but I'm actually referring to those of us in the sandwich generation, providing care to our aging parents, and still taking on the role of parents to your own children.

I've actually been a sandwich for a long time. My mom was sick when I was a teenager and continued to have health issues until her death when I was 35 years old. She was very dependent on others, psychologically more than physically, to meet her needs. Thirteen years after she died, my Dad needed physical help to meet his needs. I'm still in that role.

The good news is that our children are grown and independent, and come back for guidance, but no longer depend on us. The hard part is when children and parents are pushing and pulling from both ends and there you are in the middle - the meat piling higher and deeper.

The solution is to find ways to reduce the meat in the sandwich. Engage outside help where possible to provide respite for elderly parents. There are many volunteer organizations that provide food and services for minimal fees. Your role will change from caregiver to caretaker...the meat will shrink. Take advantage of offers from friends and family to help with your children. Pride doesn't shrink the meat.

Take care of yourself or you will have nothing to give to those who need you and they will "starve" for your attention.