This is a lesson to be applied to your work life, as well as your personal life. It is much easier to immediately react to information than to wait until you have the whole story. Remember: The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Imagine how much angst you can prevent and diffuse by just being a bit patient and a little bit of a detective. Looking at situations is not just a question of judging shared conversations, but it involves looking at the environment, circumstances, as well as external and intrinsic factors that may have driven the action. Only when you really think you've done your homework should you feel comfortable that it is safe to take a stand. However, be mindful of an earlier lesson: Once it's out of the mouth, it can never be taken back.
Listening can be a very valuable tool. Have you really listened or do you just hear?
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Lesson 18: Get the Anger Out and Get Over It!
Are you the kind of person that gets angry and throws it off or do you harbor it, let it grow into fatigue and depression and maybe a headache, stomachache or some other psychosomatic illness?
Growing up in a family where it wasn't cool to express your anger, I was definitely in the second camp, and now that I'm an adult suffering from the results of long-term internal anger, it was a priority that my children learn to manage their anger much more effectively.
The basic tenet within our household was "Get the anger out and get over it!". We would tell the children that if they were ever worried that we'd be angry by what they'd say, they should tell us exactly that, and then say what's on their mind. It worked like a charm. It prepared us to expect to hear something we probably did not want to hear, and at the same time, prevented us from reacting emotionally. At the same time, the children were able to "get it out" and "get over it". As a result, the children always felt comfortable telling us what was on their mind. Not everyone agreed with this parenting tactic, but we are grateful for the openness within our family, even if it is tempered with emotion.
The children also manage their personal relationships in the same way. The big surprise for them was learning that not all their friends were so comfortable with the frank sharing of feelings and ideas. It was a learning moment for them that not everyone has an open door for communication.
The final part of this lesson is to remember that you should always be careful what you say because you can NEVER take it back once it's out of your mouth. The damage could be forever as so many of us already know.
Growing up in a family where it wasn't cool to express your anger, I was definitely in the second camp, and now that I'm an adult suffering from the results of long-term internal anger, it was a priority that my children learn to manage their anger much more effectively.
The basic tenet within our household was "Get the anger out and get over it!". We would tell the children that if they were ever worried that we'd be angry by what they'd say, they should tell us exactly that, and then say what's on their mind. It worked like a charm. It prepared us to expect to hear something we probably did not want to hear, and at the same time, prevented us from reacting emotionally. At the same time, the children were able to "get it out" and "get over it". As a result, the children always felt comfortable telling us what was on their mind. Not everyone agreed with this parenting tactic, but we are grateful for the openness within our family, even if it is tempered with emotion.
The children also manage their personal relationships in the same way. The big surprise for them was learning that not all their friends were so comfortable with the frank sharing of feelings and ideas. It was a learning moment for them that not everyone has an open door for communication.
The final part of this lesson is to remember that you should always be careful what you say because you can NEVER take it back once it's out of your mouth. The damage could be forever as so many of us already know.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Lesson 17: Disappointment = It Is What It Is
There are just some things in life that will disappoint you. You have options on how to handle. You can stew and steam and stress over it, or you can just accept the fact it is what it is. Enough said.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Lesson 16: Make Hay While the Sun Shines
Events of the week brought this lesson back to life. It is so easy to view the glass as half empty rather than half full. How often do we wish that our lives could be different? If we only had more of this and more of that, we could do this and that.
This week we learned that two people in our lives were terminally ill. One was particularly shocking. The other expected. It brought to mind that there is a way for most of us to make our lives different that we can control and that is "TIME". For those dear ones who have been given a timeline, that "TIME" has become very precious. They will eek out the most they can do with all those they love the best way they can while the quality of their lives remain.
For most of us, we often overlook the value of this very precious gift. We take time for granted and put off what can be done another time. It isn't until we are challenged with a defined timeline that there is finally meaning.
The lesson here is to grab the brass ring when you can for our timelines are uncertain. View the gift of time as a precious gem. Find one thing to do each day to make your life fulfilling so if and when you learn you have a timeline, you can look back with joy at a life well-lived.
This week we learned that two people in our lives were terminally ill. One was particularly shocking. The other expected. It brought to mind that there is a way for most of us to make our lives different that we can control and that is "TIME". For those dear ones who have been given a timeline, that "TIME" has become very precious. They will eek out the most they can do with all those they love the best way they can while the quality of their lives remain.
For most of us, we often overlook the value of this very precious gift. We take time for granted and put off what can be done another time. It isn't until we are challenged with a defined timeline that there is finally meaning.
The lesson here is to grab the brass ring when you can for our timelines are uncertain. View the gift of time as a precious gem. Find one thing to do each day to make your life fulfilling so if and when you learn you have a timeline, you can look back with joy at a life well-lived.
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