Lesson 15: Lead by Example

It is very hypocritical to ask your children to do the very things that you do not do. For example, if you do not share, how do your children learn to share? If you do not take responsiblity, how do your children learn to take responsibility? If you do not live your life with a sense of morality and ethics, how do you expect your children to learn how to live civilly in our society?

Research shows that some children, despite abuse and parents who repeatedly break the law, are hearty and resilient and somehow become productive members of society. However, not everyone is inherently strong enough to do that. There are more followers than leaders. And, as we have learned through history, not all leaders have good intentions in their hearts.

Is it a given, your children will do the "right" things just because you do? Of course not, but you have a better chance because you have led by example. Visiting the elderly, participating in community projects, showing compassion to those who have less than you are all good ways to show your child that part of our responsibility is to help others.

If we have what we need, and most of what we want, is it not the right thing to share with others less fortunate? It does not always have to be monetary. Your time, your muscle (as in physical assistance) and your "ear" (as in a visit) are all valuable gifts. Pay it forward. It pays dividends.

Lesson 14: Love Your Siblings

When I was in my youth, Ann Landers wrote a daily column for the Baltimore Sunpaper. Her column served as a predecessor to the advice talk shows of today. Readers would mail in questions, and Ann, in her infinite common sense wisdom, would provide an answer that became the rule in many households. She was blessed to have a twin sister, also know as Dear Abby, because she too had an advice column in a competing newspaper chain.

Around the time I became an adolescent, she wrote a poignant column about loving your siblings. A reader wrote to her very angry about her sibling's behavior. She wanted Ann to agree with her that she should walk away from the relationship and not look back.

It was Ann's response that I remember to this day, and of which, I have reminded my daughters throughout their lives whenever I have sensed a rift in their relationship.
Simply put, Ann reminded the reader that she was fortunate to have a sister, and that no matter where life takes her and no matter what happens to her, her sister will always be there and they will always share a special bond that no one else can break.

As I age, I appreciate that more than ever. I see my 84 year old dad and 95 year old father in law live in isolation as friends die, their physical limitations increase, and the will to discover wanes. At the end, all you have is your family. So sow the seeds of your sibling relationships. Never let a disagreement go unresolved. Remember to tell each other "I love you."

Lesson 13: You are Only as Happy as Your Saddest Child

I owe this one to my friend, Fran. Years ago, when the children were young, and it was one of those days, she shared this tidbit of wisdom with me. I never forgot it and share it with other parents.

For those of you who are already parents, think back to moments in time when one of your children was struggling for whatever reason. You probably remember it being a particularly stressful time, despite all the other good things in your life.

Another fact: As your children age, the cause of sadness is generally more serious, and harder to resolve. It is probably one of the toughest tasks of parenthood, but also proof that there is a permanent tether between you and your children. We can't always kiss it and make it better, but we can support our child and let him/her know we care.