Sunday, January 24, 2010

Lesson 8: Know When to Be a Parent - Not a Friend

This is a tough one...how do you find the balance between friendship and parenthood? My point of view is that you never go into the parenting role planning to be friends with your child, or you'll lose sight of the importance of being a parent.

Children need boundaries and rules. It's the way we survive in a civilization. Otherwise, there is total anarchy and nothing gets accomplished. No one has a purpose, because there are no rules to live by or outcomes to desire.

Children need CONSISTENT boundaries and rules. I grew up with the "ask your mother" "ask your father" routine when I asked to do something. No one wanted to commit to an answer that the other parent might not like.

Both parents need to be on the same page, whether the other one agrees with the decision or not. The decision gets made, and both parents need to support that decision. Take it up with your partner after your child is out of the room, but be a cohesive unit in his/her presence. The benefit is that your child learns that parenting is shared. They learn the art of compromise while watching their parents make those decisions together. This lesson is invaluable for problem solving and working in groups in your child's future personal and professional life.

Once your child knows the rules and how it works, that the boundaries are clearly established, and they grow up to respect and anticipate your response, then you can finally be a friend as well.

Your thoughts?

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