Lesson 14: Love Your Siblings

When I was in my youth, Ann Landers wrote a daily column for the Baltimore Sunpaper. Her column served as a predecessor to the advice talk shows of today. Readers would mail in questions, and Ann, in her infinite common sense wisdom, would provide an answer that became the rule in many households. She was blessed to have a twin sister, also know as Dear Abby, because she too had an advice column in a competing newspaper chain.

Around the time I became an adolescent, she wrote a poignant column about loving your siblings. A reader wrote to her very angry about her sibling's behavior. She wanted Ann to agree with her that she should walk away from the relationship and not look back.

It was Ann's response that I remember to this day, and of which, I have reminded my daughters throughout their lives whenever I have sensed a rift in their relationship.
Simply put, Ann reminded the reader that she was fortunate to have a sister, and that no matter where life takes her and no matter what happens to her, her sister will always be there and they will always share a special bond that no one else can break.

As I age, I appreciate that more than ever. I see my 84 year old dad and 95 year old father in law live in isolation as friends die, their physical limitations increase, and the will to discover wanes. At the end, all you have is your family. So sow the seeds of your sibling relationships. Never let a disagreement go unresolved. Remember to tell each other "I love you."

Lesson 1a: Marry a Guy with Sisters or Who is an Orphan

If you are lucky enough to meet a guy who has sisters, his mom is already trained in the special needs of young women. She knows how to deal with the hormones, and willingly takes her daughter-in-law's stand on those issues relating to family and home. When she invites you to her home for dinner, she may actually ask you what you want to eat, not just focus on sonny boy's favorite foods. After all, she is not in a contest for her son's attention. She already knows if she plays it right, her daughter-in-law will be like a daughter to her. You see, it's not rocket science. It goes back to caveman days. Men hunt and women gather and nurture. So why doesn't the woman with only sons ever get that? Instead, she's on the hunt, to get that other woman out of her life. What's the sense of that? Over the years, her daughter-in-law figures out how to avoid being around her as much as she can. The visits are shorter and focus on how both women can avoid each other. The poor husband/son is right in the middle. Not a pretty site!

However, if you marry the orphan, you can really avoid all of that. The orphaned guy, particularly if he has recently lost his parents, is grateful to be enveloped in family love. He's the guy who is happy to do what he can for his new family. In time, your parents love him more than they love you...or so you think. He can do no wrong, and you can do no right. BUT...there is no fighting over where to go over the holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day...the worst holidays to duke it out.

So do your research, and assess the family relationships, before you choose your life partner.