Lesson 20: Everyday You Make An Impact

Never think that how you act around others does not get noticed or does not make a difference. Yesterday, my daughter attended a bachelorette party and one of attendees was a young woman I had worked with in a former job.

My daughter introduced herself as my daughter, and the woman commented to her how much fun I was to work with and that she always liked sitting with me at meetings. It goes to show you that even if you're not bosom buddies, you never know how you impact people through your daily interactions. So the lesson today is to be mindful of how you act and what you say, for it will follow you everywhere through people you least expect.

Lesson 19: Get the Whole Picture before You Take Apart the Pieces

This is a lesson to be applied to your work life, as well as your personal life. It is much easier to immediately react to information than to wait until you have the whole story. Remember: The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Imagine how much angst you can prevent and diffuse by just being a bit patient and a little bit of a detective. Looking at situations is not just a question of judging shared conversations, but it involves looking at the environment, circumstances, as well as external and intrinsic factors that may have driven the action. Only when you really think you've done your homework should you feel comfortable that it is safe to take a stand. However, be mindful of an earlier lesson: Once it's out of the mouth, it can never be taken back.

Listening can be a very valuable tool. Have you really listened or do you just hear?

Lesson 18: Get the Anger Out and Get Over It!

Are you the kind of person that gets angry and throws it off or do you harbor it, let it grow into fatigue and depression and maybe a headache, stomachache or some other psychosomatic illness?

Growing up in a family where it wasn't cool to express your anger, I was definitely in the second camp, and now that I'm an adult suffering from the results of long-term internal anger, it was a priority that my children learn to manage their anger much more effectively.

The basic tenet within our household was "Get the anger out and get over it!". We would tell the children that if they were ever worried that we'd be angry by what they'd say, they should tell us exactly that, and then say what's on their mind. It worked like a charm. It prepared us to expect to hear something we probably did not want to hear, and at the same time, prevented us from reacting emotionally. At the same time, the children were able to "get it out" and "get over it". As a result, the children always felt comfortable telling us what was on their mind. Not everyone agreed with this parenting tactic, but we are grateful for the openness within our family, even if it is tempered with emotion.

The children also manage their personal relationships in the same way. The big surprise for them was learning that not all their friends were so comfortable with the frank sharing of feelings and ideas. It was a learning moment for them that not everyone has an open door for communication.

The final part of this lesson is to remember that you should always be careful what you say because you can NEVER take it back once it's out of your mouth. The damage could be forever as so many of us already know.

Lesson 17: Disappointment = It Is What It Is

There are just some things in life that will disappoint you. You have options on how to handle. You can stew and steam and stress over it, or you can just accept the fact it is what it is. Enough said.

Lesson 16: Make Hay While the Sun Shines

Events of the week brought this lesson back to life. It is so easy to view the glass as half empty rather than half full. How often do we wish that our lives could be different? If we only had more of this and more of that, we could do this and that.

This week we learned that two people in our lives were terminally ill. One was particularly shocking. The other expected. It brought to mind that there is a way for most of us to make our lives different that we can control and that is "TIME". For those dear ones who have been given a timeline, that "TIME" has become very precious. They will eek out the most they can do with all those they love the best way they can while the quality of their lives remain.

For most of us, we often overlook the value of this very precious gift. We take time for granted and put off what can be done another time. It isn't until we are challenged with a defined timeline that there is finally meaning.

The lesson here is to grab the brass ring when you can for our timelines are uncertain. View the gift of time as a precious gem. Find one thing to do each day to make your life fulfilling so if and when you learn you have a timeline, you can look back with joy at a life well-lived.

Lesson 15: Lead by Example

It is very hypocritical to ask your children to do the very things that you do not do. For example, if you do not share, how do your children learn to share? If you do not take responsiblity, how do your children learn to take responsibility? If you do not live your life with a sense of morality and ethics, how do you expect your children to learn how to live civilly in our society?

Research shows that some children, despite abuse and parents who repeatedly break the law, are hearty and resilient and somehow become productive members of society. However, not everyone is inherently strong enough to do that. There are more followers than leaders. And, as we have learned through history, not all leaders have good intentions in their hearts.

Is it a given, your children will do the "right" things just because you do? Of course not, but you have a better chance because you have led by example. Visiting the elderly, participating in community projects, showing compassion to those who have less than you are all good ways to show your child that part of our responsibility is to help others.

If we have what we need, and most of what we want, is it not the right thing to share with others less fortunate? It does not always have to be monetary. Your time, your muscle (as in physical assistance) and your "ear" (as in a visit) are all valuable gifts. Pay it forward. It pays dividends.

Lesson 14: Love Your Siblings

When I was in my youth, Ann Landers wrote a daily column for the Baltimore Sunpaper. Her column served as a predecessor to the advice talk shows of today. Readers would mail in questions, and Ann, in her infinite common sense wisdom, would provide an answer that became the rule in many households. She was blessed to have a twin sister, also know as Dear Abby, because she too had an advice column in a competing newspaper chain.

Around the time I became an adolescent, she wrote a poignant column about loving your siblings. A reader wrote to her very angry about her sibling's behavior. She wanted Ann to agree with her that she should walk away from the relationship and not look back.

It was Ann's response that I remember to this day, and of which, I have reminded my daughters throughout their lives whenever I have sensed a rift in their relationship.
Simply put, Ann reminded the reader that she was fortunate to have a sister, and that no matter where life takes her and no matter what happens to her, her sister will always be there and they will always share a special bond that no one else can break.

As I age, I appreciate that more than ever. I see my 84 year old dad and 95 year old father in law live in isolation as friends die, their physical limitations increase, and the will to discover wanes. At the end, all you have is your family. So sow the seeds of your sibling relationships. Never let a disagreement go unresolved. Remember to tell each other "I love you."